Media Release Is It Love or Is It Addiction
MEDIA RELEASE
For Is It Love or Is It Addiction?
For: Brenda Schaeffer Release: Immediate
Author and Licensed Psychologist
Contact Dr. Schaeffer at 1-952-944-4046
Email: info@brendaschaeffer.com
Website: brendaschaeffer.com
Author of:
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? 3rd edition
Loves Way
Loving Me, Loving You
The Healthy Relationship Series
Love or Addiction? The Power & Peril of Teen Sex & Romance
Inner Reflections a meditation CD
Grip of the Hawk, a novel
TEST YOURSELF: IS IT LOVE OR IS IT ADDICTION?
Denise: “Both my parents worked. I was an only child so I was alone much of the time. I hated it.” Larry: “My parents never communicated. Nobody ever talked. I never knew what was going on or how anybody felt. When they did talk they argued in front of me. It was as if I wasn’t there. I promised myself that would never happen to me. My marriage would be different.”
Denise and Larry had been abandoned physically and emotionally by their parents. Now, married to each other, they found themselves in a relationship that had been dead for years. Why not get out? They talked about divorce yet seemed unable to take the next step. They “hung on”. What they had was better than what they feared: being alone again.
“Hanging on” is one of the 20 characteristics and warning signs of an addictive love relationship. In her book, Is It Love or Is It Addiction?, Dr. Schaeffer says “elements of unhealthy dependency creep into even the best love relationships. The challenge is to identify and acknowledge addictive elements, do what we can to change them, and build on what’s best in the relationship.” Here are questions to ask yourself:
Has your personal growth stopped? Love-addiction concentrates so much energy on the relationship that there’s little left for individual growth.
Is there a lot of “poor me” or “let me do it for you” going on? Addictive lovers play psychological games, becoming the victim, rescuer, or persecutor.
Have you fallen into the “if only” syndrome? “If only he would stay home”; “if only he were more sensitive”; “if only she weren’t frigid”. Addictive lovers have a never-ending list of “if onlys” in a never-ending attempt to find solutions outside of themselves.
Do you feel abandoned when your lover is away? Addictive lovers have a hard time with routine separations.
Do you say “yes” when you want to say “no”?
Are you into power plays? Do you try to “get even”? Are you better at giving advice than accepting it? Addictive lovers are into power and control often feeling that being “one-up” is better than being “one-down”.
Does a preoccupation about sex, romance or another person interfere with your life?
If you answer “yes” to any of the above questions you may have a problem
Is there a way out? “Yes”, says Dr. Schaeffer. “It takes time, commitment, support and hard work. And, it can be fun! To focus on oneself through a guided program of self discovery like those in my books, is incredibly exciting. The rewards? An awareness of what healthy love is and how to achieve it.”