Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part XI
FROM ADDICTIVE LOVE TO HEALTHY BELONGING
Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by the imagination -- Voltaire
In my work with clients, a process with seven definable stages in and out of unhealthy or addictive relationships emerged. As I began clarifying those phases with clients, change became less painful—even welcome. They had a roadmap and
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part X
FROM POWER PLAYS TO POWER SHARING
A hallmark sign of unhealthy relationships are power plays. A hallmark sign of healthy relationships is power sharing. - Brenda Schaeffer
What is Power?
The transition from childish omnipotence to power-sharing seems to be something we all struggle with. Power is not a commodity outside of us nor is it control over others.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part IX
POWER PLAYS
When love is without power, it goes idle. When power is without love, it injures.
- Brenda Schaeffer, from Loving Me, Loving You
A common sign of love addiction and unhealthy relationships is the use of power plays. Power plays are manipulative behaviors that keep people relating on an unequal basis. The myth underlying power plays is that there is not enough power for two and is based on the belief that people with power have control and get what they want.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part VIII
SIGNS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
The affirmation of one’s own life, happiness, growth, freedom, is rooted in one’s capacity to love—in care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge — Erich Fromm
We do need other people. In our evolution as human beings, there is a developing awareness that we are linked with other people in a very profound way. As a psychotherapist I am reminded how basic is the need to experience giving and receiving love, of healthy belonging.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part VII
SIGNS OF SEX ADDICTION
Sex can be a sacred way of connecting or it can be the egoist’s way of self-fulfillment. — Brenda Schaeffer
Sometimes it seems as though we have no control over which sexual path we take—the path to love, or the path to addiction. The idea that sex can be an addiction is quite topical and not without its critics. Sex addiction has often been overlooked or minimized by society, individuals, and professionals.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part VI
SIGNS OF ROMANCE ADDICTION
The euphoria of romantic love is one of the most intoxicating of life experiences.
— Brenda Schaeffer
Fatal attraction is as old as time itself. It is filled with pathos, longing, and calamity. In most love stories, love arrives out of the blue, abducts its lovers, and the rest of the story line seems out of their control.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part V
SIGNS OF ADDICTIVE LOVE
Relationships are a matrix within which we either grow or wither. *
— Brenda Schaeffer
Because it is so common, we often mistake love addiction for mature love. Immature love says, “I love because I am loved.” Mature love says I love because I am love.”
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part IV
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF ADDICTIVE LOVE
The past, present, and the future are all really one.
We are only looking at the past that is present now and influencing our future. — Brenda Schaeffer
Behind each addictive love relationship--romantic or otherwise, lurks a childhood story dominated by magical thinking and strongly held beliefs that become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part III
CATEGORIES OF ADDICTIVE LOVE
Love, romance, and sex are delightful aspects of our humanity.
We must be wise in the ways we express them. — Brenda Schaeffer
It is easy to mistake addictive love for healthy love because it is so common. I distinguish between three types of addictive love: love, romance and sex addiction.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part II
WHAT IS LOVE?
We don’t find love by chasing after it; we simply open our hearts and find it within us. —Charlotte Kasl
In my last blog I defined addictive love with the promise I would describe it and love in more detail. To get to a better understanding of addictive love, we must first understand what love is and is not.
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Part I
INTRODUCTION
The greatness of love stories is not in how perfect they can be, but what lessons they reveal to us. — Brenda Schaeffer
Words we often associate with addiction include obsessive, excessive, destructive, habitual, attached, dependent, and sick. And when you think about it, some of these words can be used to talk about love relationships or our use of sex.